Thank you note

Dear Son,

Please make a mental note to send out a thank you card for your first sets of clothing.

Love,
Mom

Alien Head

Dear Son,

You have a creepishly large head and look like an alien! Way to be growing a penis, you have made your Father proud! I knew from the very beginning you were a boy but somehow let myself be convinced you are a girl. Time for a mental shift!

P.S. That move you did - with your hands behind your head and your feet in the air like you were chilling in a hammock? That was super nice touch!

Love,
Mom

Mothering Skills?

Dear Child, 

I am fearing for my future mothering skills. Piper just cut herself on a walk and I almost passed out in the street. I apologize in advance!

Love,
Mom