Punching Bag

Dear Son,

I like it when you gently flutter and roll around a lot better than when you kick/punch as hard as you can. Catapulting from left to right does seem fun. I understand you are running out of room, but may I suggest your head finds its way south? Perhaps that will be more comfortable than trying to lay sideways in a pelvic hammock. I am of tall stature and have more room for you vertically than I do horizontally.

Love,
Mom

Loss of control

Dear Son,

Thank you for the fun trip to the Labor & Delivery floor of the hospital tonight. Your little stunt caused some momentary concern. I fear that you will be a pulling these types of practical jokes on the outside too. However, the Dr's have assured us that I am not leaking amniotic fluid, but rather peed my pants. Rolling on my bladder causing me to leak without knowing, while funny now, was not very nice! Oh, and refusing to let the kind nurses listen to your heart beat for a solid 10 minutes also not nice! I would prefer if you toned down the pranks please.

Love,
Mom

Nursery

Dear Son,

Per our previous communications, please rest assured proper arrangements are being made for your future dwellings as your current lease will be expiring in approximately 10 weeks.

Love,
Mom

Expanding

Dear Son,

Growing is good, and I know you need to do it, however please note that these tears are not directed at you but rather my ever increasing waistline and the creeping stretch marks from construction of your current lodging. If you wanted to help your Mother out by accept smaller accommodations, arrangements could be made. Just saying.

Love,
Mom

Hiccups

Dear Son,

Hiccups feel weird.

Love,
Mom

I take it back - business hours

Dear son,

Although I love and appreciate your need to dance, you must learn that 3:30am until the time my alarm goes at 6 is just not quite the right time for such activities!

Love,
Mom

Dancing

Dear Son,

Thank you for wiggling enough that I can now feel you. It is a relief to know you are there. I would appreciate if you would continue to check in at least once or twice or maybe three times a day to let me know you are ok. Mom's worry alight? Get used to it.

Love,
Mom

Anatomy

Dear Son,

Why you no cooperate?! Being curled in a tiny ball and refusing to budge made checking your anatomy difficult. (Although the extra time looking at you was enjoyable!) High five for growing all the right parts in the right place!

Love,
Mom

Thank you note

Dear Son,

Please make a mental note to send out a thank you card for your first sets of clothing.

Love,
Mom

Alien Head

Dear Son,

You have a creepishly large head and look like an alien! Way to be growing a penis, you have made your Father proud! I knew from the very beginning you were a boy but somehow let myself be convinced you are a girl. Time for a mental shift!

P.S. That move you did - with your hands behind your head and your feet in the air like you were chilling in a hammock? That was super nice touch!

Love,
Mom

Mothering Skills?

Dear Child, 

I am fearing for my future mothering skills. Piper just cut herself on a walk and I almost passed out in the street. I apologize in advance!

Love,
Mom 

Big Announcement

Dear Child,

Your father could not wait any longer - your impending arrival has been announced to the Facebook masses via your soon to be BFF Piper (she is studying hard!) Please do not do anything crazy now, and just keep growing. No scares please.

Love,
Mom

April Fools!

Dear child,

This is quite the April Fools day joke to play! Who will believe a positive pregnancy test today? Also I do not think my heart has ever raced that hard. Ever.

Love,
Mom