Punching Bag

Dear Son,

I like it when you gently flutter and roll around a lot better than when you kick/punch as hard as you can. Catapulting from left to right does seem fun. I understand you are running out of room, but may I suggest your head finds its way south? Perhaps that will be more comfortable than trying to lay sideways in a pelvic hammock. I am of tall stature and have more room for you vertically than I do horizontally.

Love,
Mom

Loss of control

Dear Son,

Thank you for the fun trip to the Labor & Delivery floor of the hospital tonight. Your little stunt caused some momentary concern. I fear that you will be a pulling these types of practical jokes on the outside too. However, the Dr's have assured us that I am not leaking amniotic fluid, but rather peed my pants. Rolling on my bladder causing me to leak without knowing, while funny now, was not very nice! Oh, and refusing to let the kind nurses listen to your heart beat for a solid 10 minutes also not nice! I would prefer if you toned down the pranks please.

Love,
Mom

Nursery

Dear Son,

Per our previous communications, please rest assured proper arrangements are being made for your future dwellings as your current lease will be expiring in approximately 10 weeks.

Love,
Mom

Expanding

Dear Son,

Growing is good, and I know you need to do it, however please note that these tears are not directed at you but rather my ever increasing waistline and the creeping stretch marks from construction of your current lodging. If you wanted to help your Mother out by accept smaller accommodations, arrangements could be made. Just saying.

Love,
Mom

Hiccups

Dear Son,

Hiccups feel weird.

Love,
Mom